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Author Topic: Some quickies  (Read 5034 times)
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Location: Spain
Posts: 195

« on: December 15, 2016, 08:28:32 AM »

       A government survey has shown that 91% of illegal immigrants come to  Britain  so that they can see their own doctor.

                            Due to the current economic crisis, Greece is cancelling all production of  humus and taramasalata.
                            It's a double dip recession.
                            63 Pakistanis died in Bradford this morning.  It was not a terrorist  attack,  a bunk bed collapsed.
                            The police are blaming AL IKEA.
                            Jonathan Ross has been accused of shoplifting a kitchen utensil from Tesco.
                            Ross says it was a whisk he was prepared to take.
                            Police stop a suspicious-looking transit van on the main road out of  Dover.  Policeman says  "Do you know the limit is 70?"
                            The driver leans into the back and says: "Hear that? ... 6 of you  have got to get out!"
                            Paddy & Mick stagger out of the zoo with blood pouring from them. "******  that", said Paddy, "That's the last time I go lion dancing".
                            Paddy says to Mick, "Christmas is on Friday this year". Mick said, "Let's  hope it's not the 13th then".
                            My mate just hired an Eastern European cleaner, took her 15 hours to Hoover  the house.  Turns out she was a Slovak.
                            I've been charged with murder for killing a man with sandpaper.  To be  honest  I only intended to rough him up a bit.
                            Two women called at my door and asked what bread I ate. When I said white,  they gave me a 30-minute lecture on the benefits of brown bread. I think  they were those Hovis Witnesses.
                            Seven wheelchair athletes have been banned from the Paralympics after they  tested positive for WD40.
                            A mummy covered in chocolate and nuts has been discovered in Egypt.
                            Archaeologists believe it may be Pharaoh Rocher.
                            Just A Reminder to those who stole Electrical Goods in Last Year's  Riots...... Your One Year manufacturer's Warranty runs out soon.
                            Two Indian junkies accidentally snorted curry powder instead of cocaine.
                            Both in hospital......
                            One's in a korma.......
                            The other's got a dodgy tikka!
                            An Englishman has started his own business in Afghanistan.  He is making  Land  Mines that look like prayer mats! It's doing well! Prophets are going  through the roof!
                            A boy asks his granny, 'Have you seen my pills, they were labelled LSD?'
                            Granny replies,  ****** the pills, have you seen the dragons in the  kitchen?



Definition of politics."Poli" Greek for many. "tics" blood sucking insects.
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